What if you gave your anxiety a name? I did just that – Say hello to the “Miliscaries”

It’s 2 a.m., and I’m lying in bed, eyes wide open, replaying the day’s events in my mind. Everything is quiet; the world has long gone to sleep. But here I am, alone with thoughts I thought I’d left behind. Maybe you know what I’m talking about—the kind of worries that wait for you in the dark, creeping in just when you expect to relax. I’ve come to call these nighttime terrors the “Miliscaries,” a term I created to name what seems like a nightly battle with self-doubt, financial worries, and anxieties about missed opportunities.

I didn’t coin the term as a joke, although sometimes I think a bit of humor is the only way to face down these fears. It started because I kept feeling the weight of my anxieties right before bed. They were relentless, like clockwork, popping up the moment my head hit the pillow. I figured if they’re going to show up so reliably, I might as well give them a name.

But naming them was only the first step. As I continued facing these fears night after night, I realized they weren’t just there to torment me. There was a message buried beneath the surface. In the end, the Miliscaries are really about unresolved parts of myself, rooted in past experiences and triggered by the same old questions: Have I done enough? Am I enough?

Understanding the Triggers

The Miliscaries didn’t come out of nowhere; they were born from years of accumulated fear, doubt, and pressure to succeed. Every time I tried to brush them off or ignore them, they only grew stronger. Over time, I began recognizing the different layers to these fears.

One of the core triggers for me has always been the idea of missed opportunities. When I look back at my life, I can see moments when I took the “safe” route instead of the bold one. I know those decisions helped me in certain ways, but they also haunt me at night, making me wonder if I could have done more, taken bigger risks, or trusted myself a little more. It’s a loop of what-ifs that seem harmless during the day but loom large at night.

Another trigger is financial independence—a topic that has kept me up more nights than I can count. The road to financial security is rarely straightforward, and each twist and turn has left its mark. I’ve had periods of financial ease and others where every bill felt like a mountain. It’s the memory of those lean times that often comes back in the form of nighttime fears, reminding me of my vulnerability and of how hard I’ve worked to move past those moments.

And then there’s the ever-persistent self-doubt. The inner critic shows up every night, uninvited, whispering that maybe I’m not enough, or that I haven’t done enough. This self-doubt, I realized, stems from years of pushing myself to meet expectations—some external, some internal—and feeling like I fall short every time.

Confronting the Miliscaries: My Strategies

Once I recognized the Miliscaries for what they are, I knew I needed to do more than just endure them. They’re like emotional check-ins, asking if I’ve addressed these fears yet. So, I began to experiment with ways to manage them, not by dismissing them but by listening and responding with compassion. Here’s what’s helped me:

1. Grounding Myself in the Present

The first thing I do when I feel the Miliscaries creeping in is to bring myself back to the present moment. I focus on simple things: the texture of my sheets, the weight of the blankets, the rhythm of my breathing. This sounds small, but it’s incredibly powerful because it brings me out of my mind and back into my body. When I’m focused on my physical senses, I’m less likely to get caught up in the mental spiral of worries about the future or regrets from the past.

Sometimes, I’ll place a hand on my chest and remind myself, “I’m here, right now.” It sounds simple, but when the fear is loud, grounding myself in the present gives me a foothold and a sense of control.

2. Self-Compassionate Self-Talk

I used to believe that tough love was the only way to push through fear, but I’ve come to see that sometimes what we need most is kindness. When I’m dealing with a wave of the Miliscaries, I practice self-compassionate self-talk. Instead of beating myself up for having these fears, I tell myself, “It’s okay. You’re allowed to feel this way.” This shift in tone has made a big difference. It turns these moments into something I can learn from instead of something I have to fight.

There’s a mantra I come back to, “I am enough, just as I am.” Saying it aloud or in my mind feels like giving my scared, 2 a.m. self a gentle hug. It’s an acknowledgment that the fear is real, but it doesn’t have to define me.

3. Turning Fear into Reflection

Instead of letting the Miliscaries run wild, I started treating them as opportunities for reflection. When a fear pops up about missed opportunities, I ask myself, “Is this something I can still act on?” Often, these fears aren’t as absolute as they seem. Maybe there’s still a way to pursue a goal or make peace with a past decision.

For instance, when I feel that lingering fear around finances, I ask myself, “What small step can I take tomorrow to ease this worry?” Breaking down my worries into actions has been a game-changer. It’s like channeling the energy of fear into something constructive.

4. Reframing the Miliscaries

One of the most liberating things I’ve learned is that I have the power to reframe these nighttime fears. The Miliscaries don’t have to be tormentors; they can be teachers. When I look at them this way, I start to see the message behind the fear. Maybe my worries about financial independence are reminding me of the value I place on stability and security. Maybe my self-doubt is a sign that I need to reconnect with my sense of worth and accomplishment.

This reframing process has turned my relationship with the Miliscaries into something constructive. They’re not there to tear me down but to show me where I still need healing, where I need to honor my journey.

Moving from Fear to Resilience

The goal isn’t to make the Miliscaries disappear. I know they’ll probably show up again tonight or some night in the future. But every time I confront them, I feel a little stronger, a little more resilient. Facing the Miliscaries is like building a muscle. The more I work with them, the better I get at recognizing and managing them.

For a long time, I used to think that resilience was about ignoring fear. But I’ve learned that real resilience is about leaning in. It’s about using fear as a signal to check in with myself and ask, “What do you need right now?” And as much as I might not love these nighttime visits from the Miliscaries, I’ve come to appreciate what they represent: a chance to grow, to understand myself better, and to keep moving forward.

Tips for Tackling Your Own Nighttime Fears

If you find yourself facing your own version of the Miliscaries, here are some things that might help:

1. Ground yourself in the present. Focus on the here and now; breathe deeply and bring your attention to what’s around you.
2. Practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel fear and doubt. Be kind to yourself in these moments.
3. Use fear as a moment for reflection. Ask yourself what you can learn from these fears. Is there an action you can take or a way to reframe the situation?
4. Reframe the fear as a guide. View it as an opportunity to reconnect with what truly matters to you and to identify areas for growth.

These techniques aren’t about eliminating fear entirely; they’re about learning to live with it, to grow through it, and to find peace even in the midst of discomfort. The Miliscaries might be part of my nights, but they’re also part of my journey. And every time I face them, I get a little closer to understanding myself, embracing my fears, and moving forward with resilience.

If you find yourself up at night wrestling with your own worries, remember this: the fear may be loud, but so is the strength within you.